MAKING IT WORK : Some Steps to Building Lasting Love

Infatuation may not last, but love can--if you’re willing to work at it. David and Sheryl Aronson of Laguna Niguel, who counsel singles and couples in their workshops and private practices, outlined the following basic ingredients of success:

* Be self-reliant. If one partner is overly dependent, the relationship suffers. Maintain your own friends and interests so you won’t need to be with your mate 24 hours a day.

* Be selectively dependent, not fiercely independent. Don’t be afraid to allow yourself to depend on your partner for support, love and tenderness. That’s not a sign of weakness. Strive for a healthy balance between dependence and independence.

* Admit that you’re not perfect--and accept the imperfections in your partner.

* Maintain a win-win mind-set. If only one person wins in a disagreement, you both lose.

* Try standing in your partner’s shoes. Your way is not always right.

* Be accepting, not judgmental--and start by accepting yourself. If you’re hard on yourself, you’ll be hard on your partner.