Relative Distance : In Family-Run Businesses, a Little Separation Can Help Bottom Line

Cousins and architects Christopher and David Martin are the third generation of Martins to run the family business, AC Martin Partners.

They are proud of the family’s architectural legacy--their grandfather designed Los Angeles City Hall--and they work together nearly every day, with David, 54, overseeing design and Christopher, 47, handling overall management.

But that close relationship ends abruptly after work. Outside the office, the two Martins rarely see each other or socialize together.

“You just have to have a break” from each other, said Christopher. “It’s better for the business.”

The Martins’ decision to create their own private worlds apart from work is a good family (as well as personal) strategy, according to business consultants and family experts.

For many workers, time with family provides a refuge from the pressures of work. Likewise, the office or factory floor can provide the space and time apart that couples and other family members need. Such separation is much harder to accomplish when relatives work together, but failure to develop separate family and business identities can increase stress and eventually tear apart the business, experts say.

It’s not always easy, however. How does a husband-and-wife team, for example, leave behind the pressures of the office when they both work at home?

“If you are working in the same office day in and day out and sharing the same bed, you just have to work harder at establishing boundaries,” said Jane Hilburt-Davis, a family business consultant in Lexington, Mass. “The ultimate consequence is the failure of the business and a dysfunctional family.”

Part of the problem is that many family members find it hard to define business roles that are separate from the roles they play as mother, husband or sister, say business consultants. As a result, fathers may chafe when their sons give them orders. A dispute between a husband and wife at work may cloud their relationship at home.

“I think it’s critical in a family type of business to be able to talk about business issues and not family personalities,” said Kathleen Allen, professor of entrepreneurship at USC. At the same time, it’s important to take time to discuss family issues--away from work, she said.

“You need to come up with a plan for your personal life so that you can talk about [family] issues when they come up,” Allen said.

Allen knows firsthand the difficulties of trying to keep family and work separate. She and her husband are in the process of establishing a manufacturing company and for now are working out of their home. Allen tends to the business details, and her husband handles the engineering and product design.

“We really do not spend our evenings talking about our business--purposefully,” she said.

Ideally, a family will start thinking about these issues well before it opens the doors to its business, experts say.

“You need to agree on how much time you are going to devote to your business,” said Allen. “There is a myth that 24 hours a day will be devoted to the business. But it does the business no good if you are not well physically or mentally.”

Couples and family members should budget time for individual hobbies and pursuits as well as joint activities. Couples might want to schedule separate as well as joint vacations. But planning and talking about those kinds of events often get overlooked when families are focused on work.

“They don’t take time to talk about father-and-son events--they talk about the business,” said Hilburt-Davis.

The business plan should also include specific job roles for each family member, to minimize tensions that could eat away at relationships after the workday is over. Once those work roles are established, it’s important to distinguish them from family roles.

At business meetings or retreats, for example, Hilburt-Davis recommends that family members wear name tags that identify them by their job titles--such as vice president of marketing--to emphasize work roles and issues. “Be clear about what hat you are wearing in your communications,” she said.

It might seem arbitrary to some, but many families establish times and places--at the dinner table or on weekends, for example--when talk about the business is off-limits. At the same time, a family should schedule regular business meetings to deal with work issues; this helps keep them from intruding on family or personal time.

“If things are not solved and settled, they will spill over,” said Hilburt-Davis.

For individuals or couples who work at home, it is also important to establish separate rooms where business and family life are conducted.

“It’s important to set aside a room of the house where you can . . . close the door and shut out the family,” said Allen. “You have to create an environment that lets you think like a professional businessperson.”

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Keeping It Together (but Separate)

Here’s a list of do’s and don’ts for families in business together:

DO

* Budget time for individual and family activities in a business plan.

* Make sure other family members understand your work duties and role.

* Hold frequent business meetings to resolve work issues.

* Set aside time to handle personal and family problems away from work.

* Take separate and joint vacations with spouses and family members.

DON’T

* Leave business or family disputes unresolved.

* Work at home if you can afford a separate office.

* Talk about work at dinner or on family vacations.

* Discuss family matters at business meetings.

* Resent family members who demand time and space away from work.