Holiday Specials: the Fine Print Writ Large

‘Tis the season when businesses, in the spirit of Christmas, offer consumers special deals in appreciation for their past year’s patronage. Here, at the 11th hour, are some you might have missed, misread or somehow just totally misunderstood.

% Christmas Club Savings Account: APY of 5% (annual percentage yield) with a 4.5% APR (annual percentage rate) and AIR (actual interest rate) of 2.9%. Service charge of $5 on balances under $25,000, cashier’s check charge of $6, handling fee for cash withdrawals of 2% per $1,000.

Club withdrawals 10 a.m. to noon after Dec. 15, Window A only: Seven days prior notice required. Withdrawals subject to delay of five to seven days (See Disclosure of Funds Availability). Must present original passbook without erasures or stains.

Amount shown in balance column for customer guidance only. From time to time, The Bank may have made withdrawals without consent of account holder.

* Christmas Turkey: Free with $100 purchase, frozen hen or pullet to 12 lbs. Doesn’t include butter-basted or plucked birds, pop-up oven indicator or giblets.

Purchase amount excludes price of turkey, liquor, cigarettes, some produce, most baked goods, all dairy products, packaged cereals and cleaning supplies. Cash only: no checks, credit cards, debit cards or food stamps.

Offer effective from Dec. 22 while supplies last. Only at participating stores.

* Call Home Christmas Week: Just 8 cents a minute countrywide! Continental U.S. only. Not applicable to interstate calls between contiguous states, intrastate interLATA long distance calls, or intraLATA local toll calls within 2.5 ZUM units.

Applies to weeknight calls 10 p.m. to 5:59 a.m. and all day holidays. Busy signal counts as 1 minute call, no-answer calls charged at half-minute per ring. Add $.03/minute for Voice-Audible Option.

For $.08 rate, you must spend $25 or more a month on interstate interLATA calls. Rate doesn’t include federal excise tax, city tax, all state taxes, interstate subscriber line charge, fund to support PUC, PUC temporary surcharge, communication devices fund, ZITS and CFC surcharges.

* Reindeer Flights: Coast-to-coast, any two cities, any two adults, only $129 one-way! Children under 2 sit at your feet free. Children age 2-6 half-price, two to a seat at the back of the plane.

Fly Tuesday-Friday between East and West Coast cities (Wednesday only from Seattle & San Diego, Thursday only from Providence, Charlotte & Atlanta). East-west travelers stay over Saturday and Sunday nights, west-east travelers Sunday and Monday.

Reserve and purchase a week ahead for travel midnight Dec. 25 to midnight Dec. 31. Fares based on round-trip purchase and don’t include handling fees, credit card surcharge, airport tax. Snacks, aisle seats, adjustable seat-backs extra. Special fares subject to change or cancellation if flight proves popular.

* Christmas Gold for GiltCard Holders: Your available credit automatically extended $2,500 when holiday purchases reach your credit limit! No payments till January! Finance charges compound till June payment!

GiltCard gifts to you: Three-month extended warranty and purchase price protection for any gifts bought at regular price. Accidental death benefits of $500,000 if you’re carrying your GiltCard, double benefits if whole family involved. Collision damage waiver of up to $2 a day on rental cars. Emergency roadside service of 5 miles free towing after any holiday accident involving a drunk driver (void if card member is the liable party).

And a special bonus for all Gilt-Cardholders: a 1998 no-limit phone-calling card for your teenager!

Ho ho ho.