CHRIS DUFRESNE’S TOP 25

1. Texas (1-0) Chris Simms is right, platoon systems don’t work.

2. Nebraska (2-0) Fans inducted into Notre Dame Hall of Fame.

3. Michigan (2-0) Shows UCLA exact spot in Rose Bowl where it won national title.

4. Florida State (2-0) Seminoles hitting on three of eight cylinders.

5. Virginia Tech (2-0) Rutgers can only hope lightning strikes twice in Blacksburg.

6. Wisconsin (2-0) Fight song changed to “There’s no business like shoe business.”

7. Washington (2-0) Neuheisel returns to Boulder to scout new inner tubing spots.

8. USC (2-0) Lawyers plan to call Traveler as first witness in trademark case.

9. Florida (2-0) Spurrier may bench his quarterback and Tennessee’s too.

10. UCLA (2-0) Bruins offer three QBs plus first-round pick to Texas for Major Applewhite.

11. Kansas State (2-0) Snyder used bye week to secure barbed wire around practice field.

12. Tennessee (1-0) Fulmer neglected “recruit an offensive line” on his things-to-do list.

13. Clemson (2-0) Last week Bowden’s Tigers put Larry Smith’s Tigers out of their Missouri.

14. Purdue (2-0) Irish scalper sells choice seats to Boilermaker fan for two cows and a chicken.

15. Ohio State (2-0) Hosts Miami of Ohio in loser-leaves-state grudge match.

16. Oklahoma (2-0) Offense needs a bye week after scoring 100 points in two games.

17. Miami (1-1) Gloria Estefan calls to cancel her season tickets.

18. Alabama (1-1) Search party requested to track six wagon trains not back yet from UCLA trip.

19. Notre Dame (1-1) IRS to probe capital gains windfall on Nebraska ticket sales.

20. Texas Christian (1-0) Northwestern advance team seeks “Chicago style” pizza joints.

21. Illinois (2-0) Robin Leach predicts season of Champaign wishes and caviar dreams.

22. Auburn (2-0) Ex-Notre Dame grunt says he owns rights to “Rudi, Rudi” chant.

23. Colorado State (2-0) One last pre-gambling law tip: Rams are 0-15 at Arizona State.

24. South Carolina (2-0) You’ll know team is for real when Holtz adds Navy to schedule.

25. Texas Tech (3-0) School has more victories than Texas and Tennessee combined.