THE TIMES’ RANKINGS

Chris Dufresne’s Top 25 college football rankings and comments:

1. Oregon (1-0) Hey, this isn’t figure skating. We don’t deduct style points for wins over Wisconsin.

2. Texas (1-0) Major Applewhite applies to NCAA for 25th year of eligibility.

3. Miami (1-0) Coker says after Penn State: “We beat a great football tradition.” Ouch.

4. Oklahoma (2-0) Boz donates body for long-term NCAA supplements study.

5. Florida (1-0) Look, Marge, they play another one of those hyphen schools: Louisiana-Monroe.

6. Florida State (1-0) Next year, the Duke basketball team takes a shot at Bobby Bowden.

7. Nebraska (2-0) Troy State gets parade in Las Vegas as result of 14-42 win at Lincoln.

8. UCLA (1-0) Bruins can’t wipe the smile or the barbecue sauce off their faces.

9. Virginia Tech (1-0) Who’s that wearing No. 7? Ah, it’s only backup tailback Kevin Jones.

10. Tennessee (1-0) School hires intern to keep tabs on all cornball Clausen “pickle” references.

11. Kansas State (0-0) Snyder suckered into West Coast trip.

12. Washington (0-0) Neuheisel’s raise contains incentive for making other Pac-10 coaches jealous.

13. Georgia Tech (2-0) Rankman still doesn’t like Coach O’Leary’s chances against Coach O’Bowden.

14. Fresno State (2-0) That’s right, Michigan, we’ll play you Sunday on our way out of Wisconsin.

15. Michigan (1-0) Geez, have you guys considered switching to decaffeinated raisins?

16. Oregon State (0-1) Beavers glad to get out of Fresno and back to booming metropolis of Corvallis.

17. Notre Dame (0-0) Don’t imagine we’ll see 30,000 Irish fans in the stands at Nebraska.

18. Louisiana State (1-0) Dude, where’s my car? No. 2 “party” school in country, according to recent survey.

19. Clemson (1-0) Enters treacherous two-week schedule stretch against Wofford and Duke.

20. Mississippi State (1-0) Team wants to know why no Dennis Miller for its “Monday Night Football” debut.

21. USC (1-0) Carroll would like to change fight song to something more melodic, say “Born Free.”

22. Northwestern (0-0) You call a Friday night game at Las Vegas trying to get back to normal routine?

23. South Carolina (1-0) UGA says he can’t wait to get a hold of one of Holtz’s pant legs.

24. Wisconsin (1-1) State put on red (uniform) alert with weekend arrival of Fresno State.

25. Brigham Young (2-0) Safe to say the offense is ahead of the defense at this juncture.