They’ll Be Dedicating That Statue Any Day

Dan Le Batard of the Miami Herald is among those who believe that the Miami Heat went overboard last week in honoring Michael Jordan, who is scheduled to play the final game of his NBA career tonight at Philadelphia.

Le Batard wrote, “Inexplicably and awkwardly and excessively, the Heat retired Jordan’s number. It is hard to calculate how absurd this is. Classy? Sort of. In the overindulgent, silly way Donald Trump is. Washington might not retire Jordan’s number because, well, the Wizards will win exactly as many playoff games with him as they did in the decade before him (zero).

“All Jordan did for Miami was get in the way of this franchise’s best chance ever to reach the Finals, back when he was playing 50-plus holes of golf on game day before eliminating Miami in the conference finals.”

Trivia time: Who was the NBA’s most valuable player in consecutive years with different teams?

No, not really: Wrote Kevin Paul Dupont of the Boston Globe before the Mighty Ducks’ series against the Detroit Red Wings: “This will be only the fourth playoff round in Duck history. It sure looked easier in the movies, didn’t it?”

He won’t stay long: Tim Kawakami of the San Jose Mercury, on Jeff Maggert, who hit himself with his ball on No. 3 Sunday at the Masters and knocked it into the water on No. 12 with his second and fourth shots: “Welcome to my world, Jeff.”

Right, um, Left on! Woody Paige of the Denver Post, making the case that Mike Weir’s Masters victory will benefit southpaws everywhere:

“It won’t be so awful to be a left-handed golfer or a left-handed anything. That’s no left-handed compliment.

“Mike Weir proved he has the Left Stuff.”

On second thought: Steve Rosenbloom of the Chicago Tribune on the Dodgers demoting chunky pitcher Wilson Alvarez to triple-A Las Vegas: “That’s some good thinking -- sending Alvarez to the land of the $2.99 buffets.”

Join the club, pal: Peter Schmeichel, a 39-year-old goalkeeper for Manchester City, explaining why it’s time to retire from soccer: “My body is not happy anymore.”

Of course: After the Avengers had distributed bobbleheads of the team’s “A team” dancers at Sunday’s game, Jeff Schultz of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution wrote: “And the answer to your next question is, yes, it was the heads that bobbled.”

Trivia answer: Moses Malone, who won the award while playing for the Houston Rockets in 1981-82 and again in 1982-83 with the Philadelphia 76ers.

And finally: In the wake of CBS’ televising the Masters without commercial interruption, Chuck Finder of the Pittsburgh Post-Gazette wrote his Monday column without periods, ending it with this:

“Shoot, CBS wasn’t even allowed to promote its own shows And only twice were viewers subjected to such pandering as a five-second graphic for Masters.org

“A tradition unlike any other

“If you’re going to keep women out, might as well keep out commercials

“Period”

-- Jerry Crowe