Their Labor of Love Is Becoming Kiss of Death

First, I’ll answer a few questions about a pair of outrageous incidents over the weekend before I get back to the humdrum routine of interviewing Dennis Rodman.

Yes, I asked Fox Sports Net’s Bill Macdonald in light of Joe Namath’s revelation on camera that he’d like to kiss ESPN’s Suzy Kolber if he was disappointed that Nicole Richie made no such pass at him during Friday’s on-camera interview while mentioning she’d like to have sex with Kobe Bryant.

“No comment,” he said, while asking excitedly if I had talked to Suzy, and for a moment there I thought he was going to ask me for her number -- like I’d just give it up.

Yes, he said, the TV celebrity interviews will continue, because I think you would agree it’s sports’ titillating answer to reality TV. Namath’s crack earned top billing in USA Today for ESPN, and I’d imagine ESPN is looking right now to add some more kissable sideline reporters. Macdonald need not apply.

Oh, and yes, thanks to Macdonald, Richie has her own video like her pal Paris Hilton -- and just in time for the holidays, but no, Macdonald said, he doesn’t have a copy of either.

Yes, I believe him, and yes I was stunned the two most embarrassing sideline moments on TV recently did not involve Lisa Guerrero or Jack Haley.

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GUERRERO, BY the way, is one of the months in the 2004 FHM magazine calendar, which is probably not going to help her cause when it comes to deciding whether she’ll return to Monday Night Football. Unfortunately, it’s a reminder of how appealing she is when she’s not talking.

As for Haley, he works alongside Ted Baxter, excuse me, Van Earl Wright, on Fox’s Southern California Sports Report. I’ve got to admit, I’m already a big fan of Baxter’s work, excuse me, Wright’s work, but he’s got a shot to gain Edward R. Murrow status if he continues to play off everything Haley has to say.

Maybe that’s why I was so tough on Rodman during our telephone chat. You see, Rodman announced he’s going to play for the Long Beach Jam in the ABA -- I’ll let you know what ABA stands for when I run into someone who can tell me -- and Haley, of course, worked earlier as Rodman’s valet and baby sitter.

I worry what the loss of Haley would do to Baxter’s career.

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RODMAN SAID he’ll return Jan. 16 in the Long Beach Pyramid, which gives him time to hype his Jan. 7 appearance on “Celebrity Mole.” I wonder why they didn’t call it “Celebrity Worm?”

“You’ll be surprised who wins,” he said, and now how am I supposed to sleep tonight?

He said he hasn’t started practicing with the Jam, which is curious, considering his rush to return to the NBA. But he said he would play a couple of games with the Jam, and then sign with an NBA team in February.

Now before you ask what he’s smoking -- as if you didn’t have a good guess -- before he took a motorcycle spill outside of a Las Vegas strip club a few months ago, the Denver Nuggets had considered giving him an audition.

Rodman is a hard-partying 42, but it’s almost been two months, he said, since his last drink. His agent said, that after a family intervention, Rodman is now seeing a counselor four times a week. He said Rodman also works out twice a day.

“Dennis intends to shock the world one more time and come back successfully to play in the NBA,” said Darren Prince, his agent.

One way to do that would be to wipe off all the tattoos and the piercing hardware. Another might be to show up for every meeting, practice and game.

“Name one time I was a distraction,” Rodman said. “Name one incident. I’m asking you as a professional writer, name one thing I did to be a distraction.”

I can see now why he and Haley got along so well.

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THE NEWPORT BEACH police have been called to his home reportedly 80 times, so now that he’s moved from California to the state of denial, I asked, might the police get a break?

“They already have,” he said proudly. “It’s been six months since the police were at my house,” and how many of you out there could say the same thing?

He said the Jam has been drawing 800 fans to its games, but when he shows up, there probably will be 5,000 to 6,000 to see him.

I have no doubt. I wouldn’t be surprised to see ESPN there, along with Fox, Richie, and Haley interviewing her before tossing it back to Baxter in the studio -- making it the perfect sports event as we’ve now come to know them.

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THE CLEVELAND Browns wore a No. 14 decal on their helmets Sunday to honor quarterback Otto Graham, who died last week. Then they went out and failed to score against the Ravens.

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DICK LEWIS e-mailed to say, “The last line of the Michigan fight song says, ‘Hail! Hail! To Michigan, the champions of the WEST.’ When that song was written in 1898 ... Michigan was the West.

“I ask you as a lifelong Trojan fan to support changing the last lines of the Michigan fight song ... USC is the champion of the West.”

Come on, even UCLA knows that.

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A NUMBER of people in New Orleans believe the Saints will be forever cursed because the Superdome was built on top of a cemetery. How ridiculous is that?

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from Jeff Harris:

“Did not see you at the Wooden Tribute. Just wanted to thank your editors for showing uncharacteristic good judgment and intelligence sending Plaschke to write about the tribute instead of you. Nothing you could have written would have done this wonderful event justice.”

Nice to see the tribute inspired you to send such a wonderful e-mail.

T.J. Simers can be reached at

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